A Little About Me

Where do I start?

Well, I'm 30yrs old, in a long term relationship, mother of 1 (baby girl aged 10wks), and step-mother of 1 (girl aged 7yrs).

I live with ednos which shows a natural lean towards the restriction and fasting characteristics of anorexia. This is an ed which has blighted my life for many years. I do what I can to educate myself and keep myself safe. I even write articles for publications with regards to the inner workings of eating disorders and how to efficiently help your loved ones who may be living with these afflictions.

My current situation is stressful of late as I had gestational diabetes while pregnant with my daughter and this, combined with a self enforced national average healthy eating plan meant that I put back on so much weight and as such my feelings of control have been totally obliterated. I look and feel awful. However, the diabetes has now disipated and I am finally able to start getting myself back on track.

Currently, my body feels sluggish and saturated with unhealthy vibes. I plan to kickstart myself off with a 3 day juice fast to begin detoxification. After this I shall begin my restricted calorie controlled eating plan with a daily limit of 800cals for 1wk then reduce the amount by 50cals each week for three weeks, increase by 75cals in the 4th week and resume the 50cal drop thereafter etc. until I reach a natural fast. So it shall go as:

Wk 01 = 800cals
Wk 02 = 750cals
Wk 03 = 700cals
Wk 04 = 650cals
Wk 05 = 725cals
Wk 06 = 675cals
Wk 07 = 625cals
Wk 08 = 575cals
Wk 09 = 650cals
Wk 10 = 600cals
Wk 11 = 550cals
Wk 12 = 500cals
Wk 13 = 575cals
Wk 14 = 525cals
Wk 15 = 475cals
Wk 16 = 425cals
Wk 17 = 500cals
Wk 18 = 450cals
Wk 19 = 400cals
Wk 20 = 350cals
Wk 21 = 425cals
Wk 22 = 375cals
Wk 23 = 325cals
Wk 24 = 275cals
Wk 25 = 350cals
Wk 26 = 300cals
Wk 27 = 250cals
Wk 28 = 200cals
Wk 29 = 275cals
Wk 30 = 225cals
Wk 31 = 175cals
Wk 32 = 125cals
Wk 33 = 200cals
Wk 34 = 150cals
Wk 35 = 100cals
Wk 36 = 050cals
Wk 37 = 125cals
Wk 38 = 75cals
Wk 39 = 25cals
Wk 40 = FAST

As you can see, this is a very gradual process to reach a natural fast. This is because it is less damaging for your body if you exert the extra control to resist a sudden shock to the system by hurtling into it without careful consideration.

I devised this method after many years of completely abusing my body with sudden fasts that were unprepared for and feeling awful each time I lost control.

You may wonder why I feel such a need to have control in the first place? Well that's an easy one to answer. Before I met my current partner, I spent just over a decade in a horrifically violent relationship where I was treated like a human punchbag, so much so that eventually I developed epilepsy from recurrent head trauma. I had been cut off from everyone I knew. Friends, family, even the neighbours. I had strict rules that if I broke one of them I would be rewarded with a beating severe enough to land me in hospital. My food intake was the one and only thing I was allowed to exert any kind of control over. It became my obsession, my compulsion, my never ending internal battle. It is both a nuisance and a blessing in simultaneous co-existence. Something I have learned to live with and accomodate into my life by arming myself with knowledge regarding Fasting Therapy (google it for more info) which is my saving grace in a sea of misconcepts and distortions.

This diary is my online sanctuary, my venting area, my safe haven, my refuge. A place to voice my thoughts, my dreams, my ideals, and my aspirations.

I am The Scene Queen, and I have been Thinspired By Nature.